Friday, June 25, 2010

The Truth as it Applies to Me!


This is a little piece I will do from time to time about my overall outlook on certain things:
When someone asks me for my opinion or my side of any story, they usually get a lot more than they bargain for. I was asked the other day by a co-worker if I thought she was a good person, and of course my initial reaction was to recall if I had slept with this woman or seen her breasts, and of course with both of those being no I had to really question if this person is in fact “a good person.” WTF does that even mean? I mean, she is not physically spoiled. I checked for mold and shit and I didn’t find any. She has all motor functions and I would say that in most capacities she “works”, meets production approval so in that respect, yes she is good. But I knew that’s not what she was talking about. She was asking me to judge her. Search her soul, to peer into her deepest thoughts and motivations and see if she was worthy to wear the title of “good person.” At that point I took a step back and realized.
A.      She must be fucking nuts to ask me this shit.
B.      How good can she be if she never even showed me a tit?
C.      WTF
Then also realized that I was being called upon to do the ultimate service one human can ask another, give them their honest opinion.
Let’s look at people in history that have been asked to bring the truth:

The Pope.
Hell yeah I am more awesome than this guy! Look at that fucking ridiculous hat. If I saw this dude on the street I would just LMFAO. I mean really this guy is in charge of the highest institution of religion in the world? Fuck off! And you make him wear that hat? How can you take that hat seriously?






Philosophers.

 I’m sorry but all these guys look like Pedos. Most of these dudes wore wigs, and frankly if the guy is wearing a wig, he is lying about how his hair looks, and if he is lying at that point, there is no way he can tell me about the truth.







After finding major gaps in all reliable sources for truth I decided that I am the only human capable of being completely subjective on matters that involve good vs. bad or right vs. wrong. I looked at the girl, and said:
“Do you want to know what I really think?”
“Yes.” She replies.
“The truth is everyone, men and women, are whores.”
Since then she has never asked me anything really and I am glad. Sometimes telling people the answer they didn’t want to hear is exactly what they need to hear, and I am always glad to bring the bad news for people that expect to get bullshit sugar coated answers to questions when they are feeling a little off put by something. The truth I am talking about today is:
If you didn’t want the answer, you shouldn’t have asked the fucking question. Idiot.

Creating a blog is hard work.


One day while working really hard, I decided “Hey, I need to start a blog.”  So I search all over and Blogspot popped up as something free and easy. I went and created the page, added a couple of links, and it was a monumental failure. I think there are 2 posts sitting there, one saying. First post, woot! And my second post saying, man I never post on this shit. I realized the flaw in my plan, it was me! Producing enough content to keep anyone aside from a couple of reject high school kids who found some of my mindless rabble from some obscure google search while trying to find backdoors to porn sites. To alleviate this problem I decided to recruit some of my friends to write with me, and thus you have all the glory there is to behold on this webpage.
 One of the topics that created friction between us was the fact that I am pretty ADD about things. I will concede the point that I do tend to jump from project to project and my focus does lack in some aspects but then I realized that a blog is the ultimate form of expression for a person of my mental caliber. I can talk about whatever the fuck I want and state my ridiculous opinions on things and people will either jump on board or call me a moron and move to the next article. So armed with a healthy dose of biased opinion and an assload of ADD I bring to you my first article. Hopefully this will be my most coherent post, as in the future I have no expectations of good writing or logical flow. Instead I will give you what I like to call “The Truth as it Applies to Me.”
In my defense for my short comings in regards to my literary capabilities, I will say, I have only taken English 101 in college and I didn’t even do very good at that. So if I have any typos or grammatically incorrect phrases that you feel the need to point out in the comments of an article, fuck you for being a Grammar Nazi and eat a bowl of cock soup for being so anal of things. Really? Who goes around correcting spelling on the internet, do you comment on all the non-round boobs you see, like oh I wouldn’t sleep with her because her tits aren’t symmetrical. Or I wouldn’t sleep with Megan Fox because her thumbs are a little off. Fuck off, you wouldn’t sleep with Megan Fox because you already painted the inside of your pantaloons with your little swimmers…  oh shit ADD strikes again!
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