Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Drunken Master: Introduction to the mouth of madness

Good day!

My name is Dok, and I am a nerd. I have been a nerd since before it was "cool" to be a nerd and will continue long after pop culture hipsters decide it's not cool to be a nerd anymore. I realize saying "I did it before everyone thought it was cool" is the exact type of pretentious douchebaggery I am referencing, but it's the truth and I'm sticking to it.

That's something I would like to talk about. Since when is a nerd defined as someone who wears glasses and plays Modern Warfare on their PS3? That's bullshit, I say!

A true nerd has spent hours obsessing over which prestige class they are going to upgrade to in three levels. A true nerd has spent hundreds of hours pouring over online/book sources trying to tune their character/army/deck to it's optimal precision! A true nerd waited in line at midnight for all the LotR movies and properly snubbed the star wars prequel trilogy!!! (but secretly watched them all on DVD because A) Natalie Portman is hot and B) Obi-wan is a bad ass mofo in those movies.)

I say we need to take it back!

If you have ever failed a saving throw vs disintegration to have your favorite character crumble to dust before your eyes... Then take it back!
If you have ever held onto your Australian stranglehold by amassing guys in Siam until the cannons blotted out the sun... Then take it back!
If you have ever spent hundreds of hours trying to get that last side quest done only to smash your game in disgust when the power goes out... Then take it back!!!!

Or, you could just totally use that shit to your advantage and date all the fake glasses wearing chicks who think it's cute that you know about all that "like, totally dorky stuff".

I would suggest the second one. Nerd uprisings are hard. Hahahaha

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