Tuesday, January 10, 2012

1st world problem: Depression

A couple things happened over the weekend that really got me thinking about life and how sucky it is. As most people with a television (or anyone who was within 400 yards of me on sunday) know, the Steelers lost to the Broncos.  The apparently not God-damned Broncos according to that OT play.  But to hear me say it, you might infer otherwise! 

But that's life. Sometimes your team wins, sometimes they get beat by a guy that wears magic underwear. Who am I to judge?  Another thing that happened over the weekend was that I lost a really close ("Really Close" as in not really close) match to my buddy John over at capture and control.  I don't know why losing that game affected me so much, but it really made me rethink some of my life decisions up to that point.  Am I the man? Can I steam roll everyone at the BAO?  Why can't I roll more than a god damn 2 to damage bjorn??? 

For some reason Bjorn is less intimidating this way
One more thing happened over the weekend that really put a harsh perspective on life...

So I beat Skyrim...

I spent many, many hours lovingly crafting my character, armour, and enchantments to get to the most awesome I could make them and finally I decided to embark on the "endgame".  Or at least what I thought was the endgame.  I sided with the stormcloaks and overthrew the evil imperial bastards that tried to cut off my head, I became the archmage of the college of winterhold, I became a listener for the Dark Brotherhood and assassinated the emperor of tamriel for fucks sake. So after all that and a lot of dragon killing and random cave spelunking, I proceeded with the main story.

Warning, if you don't want to get spoiled don't read further!

So I reformed the blades, hung out with some dragons and learned some cool new shouts. Then finally it came down to the showdown with Alduin!  Some mighty heroes of legend came to the battle with me and we shouted at the fog with might and glory! Yeah, that's right! Take that... Fog! Geouahere! Then Alduin appeared and I used dragonrend to make him come down from on high and smite sovngarde with his mighty bulk! Then I beat him around the head and neck with my sword and he was defeated!!! Hooray!!! I'm awesome! Or so I thought...

After Alduin fell, the option to search him came up.  But nothing happened when I clicked on him. So I was like ok, maybe I'll get an ultra soul from him?

Nope, nothing...

Alright.Let me talk to these hero guys and see if they have anything for me!

Hmm, no... Just a hearty "we'll prolly see you here when you die. If you're lucky"

Ok, so let me go back to the real world. Maybe they will appreciate me more there?

I let the dude teleport me back to the real world and there's a bunch of dragons cruising around roaring and shit.  But absolutely no prompt to do anything or any sort of ending in sight. So I go up to Paarthenax and I'm like wtf man?  Where's my grand parade or closure or anything???


I just saved the whole world and all of existence as they know it and I get nothing for it.  It's like I lived this extraordinary life and did everything for everyone and the god damn guards are still asking me if someone took my god damn sweetroll. Really guy who took an arrow to the knee? You used to be an adventurer like me? You saved all of the multiverse???

Now I can believe it.

I can see a world where he put it all on the line and defeated the horrible arrow monster from morrowind.  And after he saved everyone... It was good. For a while. But he spent most of his septims on ale and whores (as adventurers do).  Since his injury, he couldn't really delve any more dungeons to make more. Maybe he settled down and had a couple kids, but the bills kept piling up.  So he had to take this lowly guard position since he still had some ins at the castle.  And then some young whippersnapper who thinks he can do it better sprints by with bags full of loot like you used to have... And you just want to tell him the story of how you used to be just like him...

That man is the Al Bundy of Skyrim. And one day, I'll be just like him and you will too.  And that is what truly depresses me about the whole situation.  Skyrim reminded me of life.  One second I'm on top! Slaying dragons and kicking ass, and in the next I've taken an arrow to the knee and am working jarl security for minimum wage.
Dovahkiin, is that you???

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